Chelsea
Final Fantasy VII
Intelligence Agent
Posts: 41
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Post by Chelsea on Oct 4, 2012 23:40:28 GMT -5
This entire topic that she had started wasn’t one she knew if she could finish. It was hard talking about the mistakes you had made in your life, very hard, especially when it had been such a big mistake, or series of. Looking back, it was easy to point out places where she should have done things differently, but it was hard to actually do things when you were put on the spot and only given a moment to make decisions like that. Unfortunately, you didn’t normally get that long time to really think about a decision before you made it. Didn’t get the time to look five years in the future and think about how it would affect you and the people that you were also dealing with. That meant you had to rely on snap decisions, which she apparently wasn’t good at.
Though she stopped in the middle of her sentence, there was a lot more that she wanted to say. She almost wished that Rude would prod her again, to make her stop being such a weakling and actually get it out. Unfortunately for her, he was just as modest as he had ever been, and unobtrusive as well. Rubbing her eyes for a moment while she thought about it, she felt guilty all over again with him being quiet about this. It was hard enough to say anyway, but now it was just getting worse and worse. Perhaps she should be happy that he was letting it go and not pushing her to say anything, but she needed to clear this whole thing up. Yes…she really did need to clear this up and fix what she had betrayed all those years ago.
Why did she have to be such a chicken? Tucking some of her bangs behind her ear, Chelsea took in a deep breath and wondered at how to continue. If it killed her, which admitting these things just might, she was going to try and clear this up and apologize in a way that told him what she had wanted to back then. If she’d only had a little more back bone. Which she still apparently lacked. Fiddling with her shorts, she finally continued. “I don’t know if it hurt you, but it did me.”, she said quietly, gaze just watching her shoes as if she could focus so hard on them that she wouldn’t have to look at him. “I wish I had done things differently. Not that wishing can make anything come about.” There, she had said it! At least…a part of it. She wasn’t sure how to breach it having been more than just a mission to her, because that would be admitting to something she wasn’t sure if she was ready to, or if she would ever be ready to. Matters of the heart were so complicated…this was why she tried to avoid it. Still, she was determined to fix this...somehow.
Just look at them, staring at random places instead of being unable to even look at each other. Lifting her eyes, she sighed lightly, realizing that she couldn’t say much of anything on that topic, because she was sure not looking at him most of the time. Was that because she would feel the red creeping up her cheeks thinking about their past? Or was it because he looked very nice in-…well, she should just continue to stare at random places. She really should.
It frustrated her and comforted her at the same time that they were mostly keeping to ‘safe’ topics. As good as she was at extracting information from others; she was equally as bad at extracting it from her own self. That…was a problem. But anyway, what had she been doing? Well…since it had to do with ShinRa too, she could talk about the current issue with a Turk, right? She was taking a liberty when she said yes, but oh well. “You might actually be tied up in what I’ve been involved with too,” she started. “Some group decided recently they were going to…well, try what AVALANCHE did, and target the WRO and ShinRa to take down, thus stepping into the position of both, and becoming a form of government. Have you heard of them?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Words:; 912 Muse:; Great! Tagged:; Rude Location:; Gym Outfit:; That one! Notes:; That's a great idea! You and being smart and tying everything together *taps his noggin* Listening To:;[/color] What was I thinkin' - Dierks Bentley
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Rude
Final Fantasy VII
BALD IS BEAUTIFUL[/font]
"You love it. I know."
Posts: 23
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Post by Rude on Nov 11, 2012 7:57:12 GMT -5
Rude wondered why he couldn't have been granted a few more social graces that would allow him to come up with the proper thing to say in the situation that he was now presented with.
As it stood now, he didn't know if any proper words existed.
Noticing that Chelsea was still fidgeting, Rude knew, as he faced the end of the room but studied her, that she was going to have more to say on the word "hurt." He wanted her to have more to say about it, yes, partially because Rude didn't want to have to say anything himself that might end up completely wrong and mostly - very much mostly - because he wanted to hear more of what Chelsea was trying to say to him. She wouldn't look up in his direction, though, just toying with her shorts and staring at something on the ground that Rude didn't want to bother looking at. It was apparently the same kind of something that Rude was using to stare at whenever he couldn't hold her gaze, meaning the something was a nothing and didn't actually have to be anything.
She continued. Rude let his head turn fully to look at her, mentioning that the question that he'd held in his own mind - whether she meant that it was him or her that was the one she was referring to as the one that...previous events had hurt - meant, probably, both of them. She went on, as well. Regret was what she expressed. Rude swallowed. Now it was his turn to say something, he knew, but after hearing...he guessed, sort of what he wanted to hear, he hesitated for the longest kind of time, staring down at the floor between them both, at the nothing. For a few seconds, Rude distracted and calmed himself with remembering that they were having this chat in a gym that was filled with people. Then, it was time to speak. He picked out every word methodically, a task that didn't take long for someone who said as little as Rude. "I did too," he began, knowing the answer wasn't exactly right for the way Chelsea had worded her comment about hurt but that she'd understand anyway. "And I didn't do anything right, either." Of course, Rude could have gone on to explain more. Not trusting that Chelsea had been hurt along with him had been one of those things he didn't do right. Listening too much to Reno had been another thing. The two of them didn't need to go exchanging lists of regrets, though. They would probably be in the gym the rest of the day and all night trying to do something like that, if what he was hearing from Chelsea was genuine. Why wouldn't it be? There wasn't a reason. That was something else he needed to stop doing - questioning whether or not she was telling him the truth.
Right, work topics were easier now that one wasn't with a terrorist organization and one with a government that was admittedly in the wrong about several things, so Rude tried to at least keep his own sanity with bringing up Chelsea's work with the WRO. After he asked about the things that she was working on recently, she brought up something that had been piquing his interest for some time now. Though he hadn't been given any assignments in relation to Shinra's investigation into the group of demi-terrorists that Chelsea was referring to, Rude was aware of them. He nodded at her words. For Shinra, the group had seemed like a blustering mass that was trying to be AVALANCHE again but failing. Maybe they were more trouble so far for the WRO. Rude wasn't explicitly concerned about them, because people were now starting to have a little appreciation for Shinra and especially for the WRO, but if it was a big enough concern for the latter organization for it to be the first thing Chelsea brought up, maybe Shinra needed to take a closer look. There, thinking about work made things much less awkward. "I have. I don't know much about them. The file only passed my desk once," he said, inviting her to continue.
Words - 757 Muse - Excellent! Notes - I actually kind of like this one! [/size]
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