Skyrim Journal

[Hope Estheim]

SPOILER ALERT

A little, anyway.

Since I don't have the ability to record videos but want to share my Skyrim exploits anyway, I'm going to make a little journal-like thing to keep up with the happenings in my playthrough, for your entertainment. Feel free to comment or whatever you'd like! Spoilers on the main story I will keep to a minimum - you'll be hearing more about the stupid things I'm doing than the actual quests I'm accomplishing, though I obviously have to mention them at some point. Hope you enjoy!

Day 1 - Is it a dragon or a karma chameleon?

I did not expect to wake up this morning with my hands bound and surrounded by Thor, a horse thief, and a fellow who looked like a crow, but that's what happened nonetheless. Then some imperials threw me on a chopping block. Then a dragon showed up and ate all of them.

I have already pinched myself four times, I assure you.

To make a long story short, I escaped the site of the dragon attack with a rebel Nord by the name of Ralof. He seems to be of the "AND THUS IT WAS WRITTEN THAT THE SCOURGE ON THE LAND SHALL DOOM US AAAAALL" stereotype. In a moment of insanity, I followed him to the nearby town of Riverwood, where I received shelter and a good meal.

I'll write more once I figure out what in the name of the gods is going on.

And once Ralof shuts up.

The 1st Night - The cheese made me do it!

Riverwood seems to be your typical, incest-infested tiny mill town. Mind you, I'm only speculating about the incest, but these people all seem to be related to each other and are bored out of their minds. The prospect of being eaten by a dragon somehow thoroughly excites them.

All seemed to be going well, however, until I ran into a bard by the name of Sven in the inn. He proceeded to throw a forged letter at me that I was to deliver to one of the local dames (who, I assumed at first, may be his sister) in order to discredit a local elf who was trying for said dames affections. Or something along those lines. Not wanting to deliver the forged letter until I had actually met the elf whose chances of marriage I was probably ruining, I planned to visit the elf without telling Sven. Especially once he started singing. I'm not sure what happened after that, but once I got my ears bandaged to stop the bleeding, I headed to the elf's house and he invited me in.

He went about fixing his supper after we talked a moment, and I was genuinely going to tell him about the letter.

Until I saw it, sitting there on the table.

Cheese. So. Much. Cheese.

And it was just sitting there. And Faendal, the elf, had his back turned. The next thing I knew he was lying on the floor bleeding profusely. I have no idea what happened.

Okay, so I severed his spine with an axe and took all of his cheese. I promise I felt really bad about it afterwards.

I considered going to tell Sven I had killed his rival, but he would probably sing to me again so I opted to just continue with exploring the town and hope no one really liked Faendal. The cheese was delicious.

I opted instead to head to the trader's, where I discovered the young woman who had created all the fuss in the first place. The trader's sister, Camilla. Woooow. I no longer regretted having slayed one of her suitors.

Since I apparently hadn't almost died enough for one 24-hour period and since Camilla asked so nicely, I agreed to retrieve a stolen dragon's claw trinket from some brigands in the nearby mountain, a place called Bleak Falls Barrow. With the equipment stolen from fifteen different dead imperials and my cheese in tow, I have set off in the cold to the Barrow.

[Hope Estheim]

Day 2 - Of blindness and giants who apparently farm!

Aside from the undead, the trip through the mountain went fairly well. Found the claw on a bandit, as well as a few gems and old stones. Even a wall with a bunch of words on it that I happened to write down. I wonder what they call one of those walls....

I trotted back to Riverwood under the morning sun and returned the claw. I genuinely considered heading to slay Sven, too, once Camilla thanked me and whispered sweet nothings in my ear, but I figured a more worthy use of my time would be trying to avoid getting eaten by a dragon. After all, I can always come back to kill him later or hope one of the townsfolk goes into a maddened rage when he sings.

So off to Whiterun, which wasn't more than a couple of hours from Riverwood. On arrival I somehow managed to overlook a giant having his way with two farmers on the outskirts of the city, since giants are so easy to overlook, you know? I blame being up all night in a dimly lit corridor.

Regardless, the farmers died horribly and some haughty bastards known as the Companions helped me take the giant down once I actually realized it was standing right in front of me. I should consider getting some glasses.

Deciding I needed an extra sword arm, I've hired a dark elf in one of the taverns to travel with me for the time being. What could it hurt to have some extra help accompanying me in Whiterun?

The 2nd Night - The mighty dragon-murdering army of Whiterun! (not really)

It could hurt. It could hurt a lot.

I am in constant fear of what this elf is going to do to my body. She spouts constant innuendos at me and stands so close I can smell the blood stains on her armor. Thank the gods I've been around the Jarl and his troops for the past eight hours and not alone with this madwomanelf.

Speaking of the Jarl, he actually seems to be a fairly capable man, if possessing a poor fashion sense. Too bad he keeps ignorant company (his advisor, Avenicci). He believed the whole nonsense about the dragon, and good for him, because the dragon attacked his watchtower only a few hours after my arrival, and I was to join with the Whiterun army to bring the beast down. I was feeling fairly excited for the chance to take on the dragon with the Whiterun troops until I discovered the forces that had been mustered to join in the fight consisted of four scrawny, slightly enthused men standing at the gate and holding torches.

Despite our lack of might and the dark elf's constant breathing in my ear, the dragon went down. And then I absorbed its soul, since I am apparently dragonborn.

Yes, I was wondering whether it was my mother or father who had intercourse with the dragon, as well. Are dragons technically male or female?

[Hope Estheim]

Day 3 - Let's hope it's only hormones...

Now that I've gotten over my sudden familial crisis, I suppose I should say that the Jarl seemed to know something about this dragonborn nonsense and thus assigned me the title of Thane and lots of other ceremonial nonsense. His best action was to assign one of his housecarls to accompany me so I could get rid of that damned dark elf. When we parted, she said to call her should I require any companionship. I don't know what disturbed me more - the way she said companionship or the fact that she will be in constant shouting distance from now on. I won't sleep well for weeks.

Turns out that the housecarl assigned to me is a raven-haired Nord battle goddess by the name of Lydia. And I do mean goddess. The Jarl has good taste. Sadly, she doesn't say much and refuses to ride on the back of the horse I decided to buy at the stables. She'll come around eventually. I have scars. Battle goddesses dig scars.

I spent the rest of the day listening to a woman weep about how she "didn't want it to go that far" and killed a boy and having a dagger pulled on my by a Redguard woman a group of Alik'r had requested that I find. There is something in the female chromosome here, and it scares me.

Regardless, I convinced her to not stab me by telling her I'd kill the Alik'r assassins that were after her, so all is going well.

Aside from the fact that Lydia is sitting at another table as I sit here writing this in the tavern. Oh well, no beautiful creature was ever tamed in a day.

Except for Camilla, apparently.

The 3rd Night - The first of what will be many nights in which I spend more time traveling than actually accomplishing anything worthwhile.

In a brilliant scheme, I managed to pay an Alik'r's prison fine with money stolen from Avenicci's quarters. I am truly brilliant.

He told me the location of the assassins and I then spent the majority of the night traveling with Lydia (who still won't ride on my horse) in silence, only to arrive at a bandit's den, nearly die four or five time, and find out that the assassins are not really assassins after all and only want to take the Redguard woman, Saadia, in as a political prisoner. So I traveled here for nothing, and I have to travel back to Whiterun to lure Saadia out for arrest, by use of my masculine charms.

I may just kill them all when I get them all in one place.

I could also probably really use some sleep.

But dark elves.

Unfortunately Lydia won't join me in my room at the inn, either.

Some housecarl.

[Hope Estheim]

Day 4 - Proof of how awesome I am!

Today, I saw to it that Saadia was arrested (and the Alik'r leader used a paralyzing spell on hear that I really want to learn - I may have laughed like an idiot when she fell over, stiff as a board), stole a mammoth tusk from a tavern without four other people noticing, gave said tusk to that little redhead in the Whiterun market and made her very happy, sold some leeks to a woman for some gold (not sure what that was about), witnessed a fight between two women in armor, and joined the Companions. All in the same day.

Lydia still didn't seem to be impressed.

I've decided to travel all the way north to Winterhold to train in magic at the college. The paralyzing spell made me a little bit jealous, I must admit. Paralyzing people is greater than fire and healing spells. Going to be a long, cold, quiet (if Lydia has anything to do with it) night in the mountains, it seems like.

The 4th-

(The next couple of pages have been torn out)

[Edge]

The 6th Night - Finally, Winterhold!

The end of the trip was far less eventful. Outside of apparently arriving at the North Pole (no Santa Claus, sadly) and having to fight a load of the ugliest creatures I have ever seen in my life, we basically had no trouble. Especially once I stole all those potions and blankets from outside of a mine we found. I'm sure those inside won't mind.

And then Winterhold! Huzzah!

I slept for the next nine hours, so nothing to report.

Day 7 - Yet another adult learner.

I feel like I'm waking up every morning again with my plaid shorts and collar on.

Yes, I'm a new Apprentice at the Winterhold magic college now.

Actually admissions weren't that hard outside of being swindled out of thirty gold by the woman standing at the front gate who told me if I tried to get up to the college by myself I would die horribly. Being starkly opposed to dying horribly, I payed the fee, got a new spell, and then got to listen to an old man speak for a few minutes before he asked me to cast a simple ward spell like I was some sort of imbecile. That was the sum of it. First class, over.

I do have my own dorm, though, which makes up for the gold.

Lydia is certainly going to be bored for the next few days while I learn magic that her little Nordic brain can't fathom. Maybe she'll learn to appreciate me while we're separated.

Note to self - buy extra pairs of underpants. They don't call it Winterhold for nothing.

[Hope Estheim]

(I'll be back to writing this soon, but for now, you get me and my friend talking Orcish romance.)

[19:32] [e-mail]: No beauty can compare with that of an Orc
[19:33] hammwith2ms: Thine teeth, like mountains sprouting from a windswept valley!
[19:35] [e-mail]: Thy skin, as green as the stems of the most radiant flowers!
[19:36] hammwith2ms: Thine dark eyes, shining as a rock at the bed of a muddy river!
[19:39] [e-mail]: Thine ears, like teeth that are like mountains sprouting from a windswept valley!